There's not much new. I'm fat and pregnant. The baby's kicking more and more, or at least I'm noticing it more.
Let's just say this year has been rough. I left my job. I got pregnant. Don lost his job. I'm still very angry at his former company. I still cry. A lot.
Even with his new job, everything is so uncertain. There are other things that are possible, but we're just not sure what's going to be the best option, and what's going to even pan out. We had a long heart-to-heart last night, and hopefully it's going to help with the job front. But I don't know what's going to help with the crying.
I want to be excited about the baby. But. I. Just. Can't. It's just like the entire vision I had for our family's future has vanished. Everyday is a long struggle just to get myself dressed for the day and be able to be a mother to Jordan.
I never nap. Until now. I've been napping now when Jordan naps, and while some people may say that it's a good thing, for me it's not. I'm finding it hard to fall asleep at night now, and while I'm napping, I should be doing more, like dishes and laundry.
I'm meeting a friend for dinner tonight, and while I've been looking forward to it for weeks, my body is telling me what a hassle it's going to be just to get showered, dressed, put on makeup, and figure out what time I need to leave the house.
So, postpartum depression has gained lots of validity in the past few years, but is this perinatal/antepartum depression? Or is it just the depression resulting from Don's job loss? Either way, I've promised to look into talking to a professional. But when? I'm alone here with a kid. Don's got work, and class one night a week.
The one thing I can actually not get concerned about? The economy. After all this shit we've gone through over the past few months, I figure at least the economy is something that everyone is affected by. We're all in the same boat on that one. And there's nothing I can do to change it. It's all the other shit that still sucks.
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5 comments:
i'm so sorry you are feeling so down v. i do know what you mean a wee bit. i was not at all excited about being pregnant the 3rd time. it was not a planned pregnancy and i was not at all thrilled. i hadn't lost any of the weight that i wanted too and i had already said to some that we would leave a gap between the next, blah blah blah...
but as time went on i got use to it and was excited by the end. i know we don't have the same circumstances, i do know the depression feeling. i know you have friends there that will watch jordan for a wee bit. i'm am so glad though that don is there for you. it would be even harder if your hubby didn't stand by you...
I am so sorry that you feel that way.
If you ever need anything or even a night out of the house or an ear to complain to, I am here for you.
I am happy that you and Don talked and I hope that things did clear up a little.
Remember that I have a little bit of an idea of how you're feeling. Nothing like finding out your pregnant the same day your husband loses his job. You're one of my bestest friends and I love you dearly. I'm always here if you need to talk.
And remember that Logan wasn't planned either and we found out when I was contemplating going to Law School and just graduating undergrad without a real job secured. So, I can sympathize. Plus, I stayed home throughout my pregnancy (just enough time to worry about everything).
Everything will work out fine. If you need anything let me know. Remember that you have friends that love you and care about you. If you need anything you can call on us.
Does it help for me to repeat things that the other girls said? Probably not. But you know that we're here for all of you. I know we're not right down the street, but I'm willing to go to your house or J is always welcome here if you need a sitter. ANYTIME!!
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