Movements?

At my appointment this week, the doctor said I should feel the baby move. I told her I've been feeling stuff but I didn't want to think it was anything, because I'd usually feel something, and a second later I'd have gas.

But I think now I'm starting to feel movement out of the baby. And my kidney hurts. Weird.

I'm achy all over - sciatic nerve stuff, uterus expanding and all that shit.

Two years ago, I barely was used to the idea that I was pregnant. Now, I'm a 1/3 into it, and it right after the new year, the baby will be here. I feel so ill-equipped and unprepared. I feel so ... floundering. I want to start looking at toddler furniture, I want to finally get new carpet in the rest of the house, I want to move forward with a lot of home projects that need to be done.

I want to stop hounding Don for every dollar he spends, and I want to stop feeling guilty for online purchases I made, stocking up on clearance summer clothes for Jordan, and a few maternity items for me. I want to stop being such a hypocrite.

I want to stop feeling terrified that we're dipping into our emergency fund. I want to not feel terrified that we may still have to dip into it when Don starts the new job. I want him to be in a job he loves, not just a job for a job's sake. And I'd love it if it paid at least the same as the last job.

But I don't want him to get sucked into a job again, the way he did with the last one. It consumed him. It was a big part of his life, and since they screwed him, I want nothing but the worst for that company. I feel personally slighted. I want to switch my long distance company, just so I don't have to see that logo again. I wanted to smash a register screen at Safeway when an ad for them popped up on it - while the pharmacist was telling me my coverage was denied and I had to pay full price for a month's supply of prenatals.

...And apparently I've gone off on a tangent. Anyone know how it all turns out? Can anyone see into our future, even just a couple months or so? I know 'everything will be fine' and 'it'll turn out to be the best thing that's ever happened'. Already, it's been a good thing (minus the lack of income). Don's not on his phone all hours of the evening, he's appreciating his family more, not just going through the motions. He's taking a class after a 10-year hiatus, to finally go for a degree.

So, how does it turn out?