Antepartum depression. I'm coming to terms with what I really believe I have. And what I hope I have, because I have to believe that this will get better after the baby comes.
So, how this really feels. I feel like I'm in a dream, a bad, bad dream, that I have to wake up from. It has to get better.
I feel so detached from the baby, although ironically this is the most attached I'll ever be to the baby.
I can remember a time before she was conceived, when I wanted her. I wanted this #4 so badly. Now it feels like I want it all to go away.
It will be better. It has to be. She will be beautiful. I look at all my kids with wonder and amazement. I still don't know how they really came to be. Maybe I've always been blind to it, maybe I've forgotten it. Pregnancy sucks.
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